"I'm not sure my husband ever loved me becasue if he did, he never would have cheated on me with another woman. He tells me he loves me and that even though the affair he never stopped loving me, but depsite all that I still have my doubts. How can I believe what my husband says after what he did?”
These feelings are completeley normal and natural to have. Many women in this situation have them. And these questions and concerns are all valid. But I have developed my own theory about this over time. And, I know that some people are going to disagree with me on this. And that's perfectly fine. I believe it's in your best interest to find the solution that works for you and your unique situation.
However, I'll tell you what I think about this below. I'll also tell you why I believe it's possible for men who have had affairs to still love (or to never stop loving) their wives.
You Shouldn't Throw Away The Past Because Of What Happened
It's easy to see how you could think that since your husband cheated on you that he never really loved you in the first place. And most people believe that you wouldn't cheat on someone that you supposedly love. I respect that opinion. However, I think you're wading into dangerous water by generalizing too much by negating the history between you two and the love that was shared before the affair.
It's important to realize that over time things change. The situations and circumstances of our lives shape our thoughts, behaviors and actions. But this doesn't change the way we felt in the past about someone. Having the view point that you husband never really loved you to begin with will only prolong your pain and prevents you from facing the real issues that need to be dealt with. It also prevents you from enjoying the happy memories that you had together. In my opinion, this is simply a by-product from the affair which prevents you from being able to see things rationally.
To phrase it differently, you wonder that, since you missed all the signs of the affair, that it's possible that you only just think he loved you because that's what you wanted to see in your relationship? I understand why you think and feel this way, but it's not fair to you at all. Give yourself credit where credit is due.
Your Husband Never Stopped Loving You
Many times men who cheat on their wives realize that they've taken them for granted and just how much the care about them, but only after she's furious with him and ready to kick him to the curb. It's not fair to you as a woman, but that's sometimes what happens.
I also strongly believe that men don't cheat on their wives simply because they don't love them anymore or that they're not happy in their marriges. In most cases, the man is trying to fill a void in his life or is trying to deal with an internal crisis and for whatever reason, he's not sharing his feelings with his wife. Is this a stupidly short sighted choice in light of the damaging consequences? Absolutely it is. But in no way does it mean that they don't love and cherrish their wives.
Now don't misunderstand what I'm saying here.I understand that there are men out there who are repeat offenders and that they'll say anything to justify their actions. And that in a lot of cases, they try and show their feelings through their actions instead of their words. But we're not talking about the repeat offenders in this article. I'm talking about your husband, the man who made a one time mistake with another woman. The man who would give anything to take it back and reverse the clock if his wife would give him the chance to make things right again in their relationship.
I'm not defending your husband or his actions. But believe me when I say that it's possible for men to have an affair with a woman that has little to do with the love he has for his wife. Now I know that some of you may disagree with me here on this. And your situation could be different. But I think it's sad when a woman wants to erase her whole history with her husband simply because he made a mistake. Now you may not want to save the marriage, and that's another point. But a one time mistake should not negate the past and all the treasured memories that you've built up together as a couple.
I know you've asked yourself ' does he really love me' after the affair , but If you really want to make progress in your relationshp after your husband's affair there are 12 critical questions you'll need to face immediately afterwards and working through these questions will help you sleep better and free you from the circus of disorientating thoughts.