Question:



Is there a way that I can contact my ex boyfriend with out appearing desperate or needy? I really miss him and want to talk to him again, but I just don't know how to do it.



Answer:



That's an excellent question and it's one that a lot of women ask themselves after a breakup. One of the hardest things to do is to make contact with your ex after a breakup, but its something that needs to be done regardless. If you make contact with him too soon after the breakup, he'll see right through it, but on the other hand, if you don't contact him at all, he might move on and end up with someone else. It's a balancing act between timing and the right type of contact; you've got to contact him at the right time and in the right way for it to be effective.



The ideal situation for you is one where your ex calls you first instead of you calling him and the way to do this is to cut off all contact with him; it's called the no contact rule. I've written extensively about this in other posts and in theory it's quite easy but in practice it's rather hard to do.



Now I bet you're asking yourself how does not contacting my ex boyfriend make him want me? That's an excellent question; allow me to explain.



Generally speaking, women are far more emotionally invested in their relationships than men which causes them to still be emotionally attached to their ex's after a breakup. Now you might not know this, but men understand your emotional attachment, and they're expecting you to make some form of contact after a breakup. So when you make contact too soon after you've broken up, you unknowingly give them control of the situation which allows them to string you along and manipulate you.



However, when you accept the breakup for what it is and drop out of his life, two things happen.



1.You give him the time and space he needs to think about your relationship and the break up.



2.He starts to miss you.



But what if you didn't do this? What if you called or texted him repeatedly? Have you lost your chance to get back together? No. You did those things because they made you feel good. Your actions allowed you to feel connected to a bond that was broken with someone you invested time and effort in to.



But if your ex hasn't contacted you yet and you're still wondering why, don't panic. The answer is simpler than you're making it out to be. The reason your ex hasn't called you yet is because he doesn't miss you yet. As soon as you give him enough time and space, he'll start to miss you and what's better; if you do it right, he'll start to panic too. He'll wonder if you've totally moved on and are over him. This is the point that he needs to be at before he calls you.



However, if you still want to call your ex, but not come off as needy or desperate then I've outlined 3 types of calls you can make to your ex boyfriend that will keep your intentions under the radar.



1. The "I Found Your Stuff" Call. Look for something that belongs to your ex boyfriend that he left at your house, as well as call him offering to return it (or have him pick it up). If you want your ex boyfriend to call you back, ensure you make the call at the time you know he won't be home, so you can leave a message. He will be curious to talk with you, if you have broken contact for a while. Ensure the thing you are calling about is important, and not something insignificant like a music CD or hairbrush.



2. The "Congratulations" Call. Call to congratulate him on something. Maybe he got promoted, your ex boyfriend's birthday, graduated from school, or accolade or received some other kind of award at the time the relationship has ended. This is another good excuse to call and wish him the best. However, calling when he is not home will definitely get your ex boyfriend to call you back, which is your target.



3. The "How's Your Mom Doing"? Call. If you got close to his family at the time you dated your ex boyfriend, asking about how they are doing is nice. Especially in the situation where your ex has a brother or sister about to go to college for the first time, relatives in the hospital about to undergo surgery? this is a great excuse to call him asking "Hey, how's your dad been doing"? or whatever the situation. Since you have not called for a while your ex boyfriend won't suspect at once that you have hidden agenda, and will even be happy that you called to know how his relatives are doing.



There are several other powerful ideas for getting your ex boyfriend to make first contact with you once more, however being aware of what to do when he calls is even more important. As soon as that call comes you need a step by step strategy of action.



Rather than sitting around thinking why hasn't my ex boyfriend called me yet, get ready for the time when he finally does call.



Knowing precisely what you're going to say and exactly how to deal with the conversation is fundamental if you want to get your ex boyfriend back !