My man is starting to get distant in our relationship and I'm not sure why or what to do next. How can I get him closer to me when he starts to pull away ?
Is your man pulling away from you in your relationship? It's probably safe to say that you've seen a similar pattern in most of your serious long term relationships. You get serious and he starts to pull away. There comes a point in a relationship when things start to heat up yet for some unknown reason when things are at their best between you two, he starts to emotionally disappear. If this sounds familiar I'm sure the next thing you did was chase him down and try and figure out what the heck was going on with him. When you let him know just how you were feeling about things what happened next? Did you feel like the relationship you had was now non existent and hanging by a thread? I'm certain this is totally frustrating for any woman who has ever experienced this in their relationship.
So what's the real reason that men withdraw in their relationships? Well, if you've read John Gray' s "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" book you'll understand that this is somewhat of a natural instinct for men. In the book, John explains that men have been withdrawing in relationships since the dawn of time but back then it was more of a protective instinct than anything. Men needed to emotionally withdraw themselves from the situation because they needed to be ready for flight or fight.
Men by nature are problem solvers and they will do whatever it takes to fix the situation and make things better so don't take it personally if he goes into his own little shell when trying to figure things out. It's not personal, it's just his way of getting things done. Has this ever happened to you? You have a nice romantic evening together and you're laying in bed together when suddenly he disappears. What the heck is going on here? On one hand you think you're bonding and getting closer and on the other, he's no where to be seen. It's not that he's not into you or doesn't enjoy your company, it's simply that he's on to solve his next project.
I know it's frustrating, but your man's ability to compartmentalize things is something you need to both understand and accept. Don't allow this to drive an emotional wedge between you in your relationship, instead learn from it and use it to your advantage. Because if you don't, you could end up losing him. When you let him go, do it without making him feel guilty. He'll come back to you more appreciative and understanding and more importantly he'll trust you and respect you because he knows that you understand him. Men are pulled in many different directions and a lot of the time his efforts are focused on providing for you and dealing with his future relationships. So as I mentioned earlier, his ability to separate his emotions from everything else is part of his natural make up and the more you understand and accept this the better off the two of you will be.
Now that you know why he retreats when trying to figure things out, don't be surprised if this happens to you when he's trying to figure out the future of your relationship. A large part of why he's pulling away from you is because he realizes that it's time to start thinking about the future together and up to this point it's not something he's considered.
So when this happens to you, stay calm and don't freak out. He's simply doing what comes natural to him. If you try and push the issue, he'll end up seeing you as someone who is trying to take control of his life and make him do something he's not ready for. He'll feel like you've cornered him and instinctively he'll look for a way out. So the best advice I can give you is to give him his space to make his own decisions in his own time. If you do this he'll respect you because you're not pressuring him into something and he'll realize that you are indeed the lady for him.
Now you know why men pull away in their relationships. You've learned that chasing after him when he needs his space will only drive him further away from you. So no matter how emotionally hard it is for you, you need to give him his space and wait for him to figure things out so he can come back to you with his answers. When he returns to you, things between you will be better and you'll be able to sit down and talk about his thoughts and feelings.
Did you also know that there are some very subtle things you can to reel him back whenever he pulls away ? Knowing what these are will help you the next time your man pulls away during difficult times in your relationship.